Welcome to my Duchess of Sussex-themed picnic! Today I am channelling my inner Meghan like never before, dining out on the delights of her As Ever lifestyle and homemaking brand.

I'm knee-deep in As Ever flower sprinkles, I'm trying not to laugh at her pitifully runny As Ever jams, I'm contemplating her tins of As Ever herbal tea and admiring the casual display of Californian abundance.

If I were an oil painting – please don't all write in at once – I'd call myself The Bounty of Lady Bountiful, because that is the vibe she is always trying to create, right?

And never more so than now. For Meghan has just added a debut wine to her range – and I hardly need mention that hers is no vin ordinaire.

Following its sell-out launch on July 1, the As Ever rosé is marketed as a 'thoughtful' wine, the first of a range 'thoughtfully curated' by the D of S herself – although she clearly drew the line at squashing the grapes with her own big bare feet, because it was 'thoughtfully crafted' by unknown others in California's Napa Valley.

However, please drink in her exhortation that this debut wine has been 'made to be enjoyed with the ones you love'.

The ones you love! Isn't that just darling? Not to say thoughtful.

Presumably this loving invitation does not include the in-laws you threw under a bus, the half-sister you iced way back when or the father you haven't spoken to for seven years – but cheers anyway, Megs. I'm uncorking as we speak.

The tasting notes promise 'a delicately balanced rosé with soft notes of stone fruit, gentle minerality and a lasting finish'.

Soft and stoned? That makes me instantly think of poor Prince Harry, who wrote about using marijuana, cocaine and psychedelic mushrooms in his memoir, Spare. Delicately balanced? That does not make me think of Prince Harry, so let's quickly move on.

I pour out a glass and note that the wine is darker and more of a salmon orange colour than the pale Provencal pinks that are my favourites.

I have a sniff and... oof! Oh my God. Talk about the grapes of wrath. No, I don't get apricots and peaches on the nose or anywhere else. What I get is an overwhelming blast of alcohol. 

Hardly surprising, as this wine has an ABV (alcohol by volume) strength of 14.5 per cent – meaning it is very high in alcohol. Most European rosés are lighter (12.5 per cent is the average), and while it is not unusual for Napa Valley wines to be so strong, this one is too much for me.

It is also from the 2023 vintage, when ideally rosé wines should be drunk young, from the vintage from the previous year to consumption. Although there are always exceptions! To be scrupulously honest with you, I think Meghan's mega wine is as rough as a scaffolder's armpit – but that is more about personal taste than expert opinion.

Some might even like its richness and depth, which features a blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Mourvèdre, Grenache and – hey buddy, is there anything else kicking about at the bottom of that barrel? – Syrah grapes.

However it is certainly not for me. I'm a Minuty girl. I love my Esprit de Buganay. Domaines Ott when I'm feeling flush.

I'm also – has another sip – getting an instant headache from Meghan, although that is nothing new. Might I just add – glug, glug – that it produces a lingering and weird aftertaste. 'Like blue cheese,' said one of my fellow testers. Not sure about that, but what I do know is that in Scotland we have a name for such a potent brew: Wreck The Hoose Juice.

Still, the Duchess of Sussex is nothing if not ambitious and her wine entered the fray priced at the top end of the market. She sells it in the US for $30 dollars a bottle (around £22), the same price point as Whispering Angel, the best-selling rosé in America, perhaps even the world.

However, As Ever customers must buy a minimum of three bottles. That didn't stop the wine from selling out in under an hour – but, as ever, there was no detail provided on how many bottles overall were available for sale. Was it 50 or was it 50,000? Details came there none.

Still, it is clear why we are all here. Over the past few years there has been a boom in celebrity-branded alcohol products – among them George Clooney, Cameron Diaz and Dolly Parton – and if there is a quicker buck to be made in showbiz land, then Meghan wants to hear about it.

As I sit on the grass in a garden near Buckingham Palace, I have another sip of my Meghan wine as my mind turns back to that joyous moment in 2017 when the Sussexes made their engagement announcement.

With stars in their eyes and hope in their hearts – pour me another glass, I am getting emotional now – they spoke of their love and their mutual passion for philanthropy.

Meghan burbled about getting her 'boots on the ground' and doing work in the Commonwealth, whatever the hell that was. A stop on the Underground? You tell me. What's left in that bottle? Could someone get these flower sprinkles out of my teeth? What am I talking about?

As Harry shared their joint 'passions for wanting to make change for good', Meghan said: 'You realise once you have access or a voice that people are willing to listen to, with that comes a lot of responsibility.'

Well, that was then. And this is now. Who would have imagined that all those good intentions, all Meghan's plans for being a social justice warrior would boil down to this: putting her name to an overpriced and underwhelming rosé wine, sold and marketed under the imprimatur of a royal hinterland that was never really hers.

I know what you are going to say. Selling wine is nothing new for the royals. Under his Highgrove estate brand, King Charles has a Sparkling English Rosé on sale for £34.99 a bottle.

But there is one big difference – all profits from the sale of the Highgrove products are paid to The King's Foundation charity.

So far Meghan has given no indication that profits from As Ever will be going to charity, too. But there is still time. Hic.