Unlike most people, Robyn Sloan dreaded Fridays for a long time. This is because each week without fail she received a notification from her mobile banking app that sent a jolt of fear down her spine.

A message popped up to say that her ex-husband Daniel had made his court-ordered child maintenance payment of £170, and he had left her a little personalised note as the payment reference.

But far from leaving a friendly message, Daniel would make a cruel reference to the violence he’d subjected Robyn to during their marriage. The words were so personal and triggering she won’t even share the contents with anyone now.

‘No one else would have seen it as anything, but it was obviously mocking me. It was about [Danny] continuing his reign of terror and it took me straight back – just seeing those words reminded me of what I went through 19 years ago.’

Robyn, who is now 48 and whose name has been changed for her protection, says she escaped from the physically violent and abusive relationship with her ex-husband in 2007.

She has four children from her marriage to Danny and despite divorcing him and relocating across the country, she has been unable to escape his controlling behaviour.

When he could no longer hurt her physically, Daniel turned to financial abuse.

This is a form of domestic abuse in which someone controls another person’s access to money and their spending to exert power over them. 

One in five women in the UK has experienced economic abuse by a current or former partner in the past 12 months – equivalent to 5.5million people, according to the charity Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA).

You do not have to be living with the person for the coercive or controlling behaviour to happen.

In Robyn’s case, the financial abuse ramped up after their separation in 2007.

In the years since their divorce, Daniel has used money as a weapon. For example, he refused to sign off an insurance payout after their family home flooded, leaving Robyn in debt.

Similarly, he later stopped paying child maintenance on time.

‘He knows all the tricks,’ says Robyn, who now has three grown-up children and one who is still at college.

His abuse even resulted in Robyn and their children losing the family home. The was unable to keep up payments on her mortgage when Danny failed to pay the child maintenance.

‘The loss we’ve suffered at his hands and his control is just relentless,’ she says.

Robyn says that Danny will even go out of his way to destroy her finances. For example, he goes as far as reporting her to the authorities in an attempt to strip her of certain benefits or tax breaks.

She explains: ‘He reports things to the Department for Work and Pensions, claiming I’m faking being ill or that the kids have left for university – when it’s not the case. If there’s something he can report, he will.

‘What’s happened since is worse than what happened during the relationship. It won’t end until I’m in a box.’

Like many survivors of financial abuse, Robyn has ended up with a poor credit score that affects her everyday life because his irregular payments meant she couldn’t pay her mortgage and other bills. A poor credit score limits the number of financial options you have and results in higher interest rates on loans or credit cards.

Francesca Ferrier, at domestic violence charity Refuge, says this is common in cases of financial abuse: ‘From long-term debt issues to poor credit scores that can take years to rebuild, the impact of economic abuse often stays with survivors long after they leave a relationship.

‘Economic abuse also has many immediate impacts on a survivor’s wellbeing and safety, as it can prevent them from securing accommodation, setting up a bank account, or accessing a basic phone contract.’ Robyn had blocked Danny’s number and his accounts on every social media account so that he can’t contact her directly.

But he found a way through via her banking app.

Sam Smethers, chief executive of the SEA charity, says payment systems are common routes for abusers to torment people.

‘One in five of all the women experiencing abuse, which equates to 867,000 women, say they have received threatening, offensive, unwanted messages through money transfers,’ she says.

When Robyn asked her bank for support, she was offered little help. 

She says: ‘The only solution that could be offered by my bank at the time was to block the payments from him altogether. I approached the bank. They were saying: “Well, he’s not swearing at you, he’s not making threats. There’s not a lot we can do.” But we needed the money.

‘We were in an impossible situation: either take the abuse or lose the money. I had to see that message pop up online every single Friday.’

Thankfully, Robyn’s bank has managed to stop the reference from appearing when payments are made from Danny.

Robyn believes that banks and building societies have a responsibility to help victims of economic abuse.

She’s welcomed a new initiative launched this week by Nationwide Building Society that will give customers the chance to hide payment references on incoming transfers in the Nationwide app.

The building society has already launched a three-stage warning letter process for payees that use abusive references and repeated low-value payments to maintain unwanted contact and control with their victims.

Starling Bank has already launched similar options.

‘Other banks should follow suit,’ Robyn says. ‘Even if it’s a small change, it has a massive impact. It shows perpetrators that we won’t stand for this behaviour.’

Banks and debt advice charities have systems in place to help, but Refuge recommends speaking to a specialist domestic abuse service first. Contact Refuge on 0808 2000 247.

For more information go to: survivingeconomicabuse.org.

Signs a loved one could be at risk of financial abuse

It is often very difficult to tell if someone you know is being abused but financial abuse can be especially tricky to spot.

However, there are a few signs you should watch out for in family and friends, says Sam Smethers, of SEA.

• Your loved one is constantly replacing their mobile phone- this can be a sign that they’re getting contacted in an unwanted manner

• They could be scrimping and saving to get a coffee when you know they’re working and should be able to afford it. This may be a sign they aren’t in control of their own money

• They could seem isolated or turn down chances to socialise, for example is they don’t come out for lunch or a drink after work

• They appear to be unable to access basics, such as clean clothes and toiletries