The digital age has changed the way we look at ourselves – quite literally.

When I was growing up, no one really took photographs or videos, save perhaps at Christmas or special occasions. It was a faff: the equipment was expensive and fiddly, and the results far from guaranteed.

Besides, genuinely good-looking people were few and far between. The rest of us… well, who wanted endless reminders of the reality? People were far more accepting of their natural appearance. Not least because there wasn't an awful lot you could do about it.

Plastic surgery was prohibitively expensive, there were no Botox, fillers, lasers or red-light therapy – even hair tools were primitive. It was Pond's Cold Cream and Elnett – and not a lot else.

Then along came smartphones and Instagram culture, and everything changed. The world became selfie-obsessed. And the more we looked at ourselves, the more we found that we didn't like.

But that was fine, because now there was a solution – if not a fancy digital filter, then a real-life one. A tweakment here, a tweakment there, hair extensions, maybe some threads, the odd chemical peel.

And not just for 'anti-ageing' purposes, either. Now you could alter your entire appearance, Kardashian-style. A perfectly average-looking person could, if they had the time, money and stomach for it, transform themselves into someone else.

It was like that book, The Life And Loves Of A She-Devil, by Fay Weldon. That was fiction. But Kylie Jenner built an entire cosmetic empire on the back of a pout that she was not born with. Likewise Kim's bottom. All fake, all manufactured.

So is it really any surprise that more people now consider having cosmetic treatments, surgical or otherwise, to be perfectly normal?

Twenty years ago, it was a novelty, the preserve of a select few celebrities. Now it's commonplace, as anyone who has ever been on a flight to Bodrum can attest.

But what is quite new is the number of men joining the club.

And not just the usual 'looksmaxxer' loons, such as livestreamer Clavicular (aka Braden Peters) who is said to smash his own facial bones with a hammer, and orthodontist Dr Mike Mew, who advocates mandibular exercise for a squarer jaw.

This week, the TV presenter and DJ Rylan Clark proudly took to his Instagram Stories to show off the results of his latest facial procedure, which he admitted was 'traumatic and invasive'.

Meanwhile, The Only Way Is Essex star Bobby Norris shared pictures of the aftermath of an upper and lower blepharoplasty (eyelid surgery), face and neck lift. Ouch.

Often, it's not even a case of has he or hasn't he – it's glaringly obvious. People show off their surgeries like they might show off a new car or a piece of expensive jewellery. It's as much of a status thing as it is an aesthetic one.

Cosmetic surgery, once something rather secret that you would not readily admit to, has become aspirational. And in the same way that women are openly altering their facial and physical structure to emulate their idols, so are men.

With women it's often Angelina Jolie lips, Anya Taylor-Joy's heart-shaped face, Megan Fox's eyes. With men it's chin implants or fat removal to give a more chiselled appearance, like that of Cillian Murphy or Henry Cavill. The results are not universally successful. For example, in February Jim Carrey showed up at some event in Paris looking really odd.

For a man whose entire career was based on his extraordinarily expressive face (if you've never seen his genius impersonation of stars such as Clint Eastwood and Jack Nicholson, they are definitely worth a detour) he seems to have got stuck in an impression of a late-stage Mickey Rooney.

Is this the next part of human evolution? From Homo erectus to Homo botulinus. And what happens if two surgically altered humans have a baby that looks nothing like the pimped-up versions of themselves? Will that child have to undergo the same process to match its parents?

It's all rather strange. Especially the men. I've always felt that most men tend to get better-looking with age, especially if they grow a beard, as many do.

A beard is nature's contour, the perfect weapon in the fight against sagging jowls. Who cares if you haven't got much up top – you can always wear a hat. But one of the biggest signs of ageing is a turkey neck and soft jawline. Grow a beard, and voila! Gone.

Either way, I hope Clark and Norris are feeling better after their ordeals. Since I don't know what either of them looked like before surgery, I can't comment on the outcome. Just watch out, gents, that you don't go too far and turn into the Grooms of Wildenstein.

I'm glad the King and Queen will be going to America, despite the British public's criticism of Donald Trump over the Iran war. Soft diplomacy is precisely what the monarchy is for.

Perhaps they might attempt another diplomatic mission: popping in on the King's two grandchildren in Montecito. I'm sure the Queen is dying to sample Meghan's famous hospitality – to say nothing of her trademark jam.

The machines are here. Well, they are in London anyway. Last week I pulled up to the lights and noticed an odd vehicle next to me – oversized and bristling with cameras and antennae.

A Waymo driverless car – the so-called future of driving. Do we really need these Californian imports on our roads? Bad enough that London's iconic black cabs, with their equally iconic drivers, are being edged out by Uber, now they are facing obliteration from robots. And all for what? So some tech bro can buy his girlfriend another pair of breasts?

Black cabs are part of London's heritage.

We should cherish them, not hound them out of business with creepy foreign imports.

Greens' true colours

If the Green Party passes its 'Zionism is racism' motion (delayed amid chaos at its conference last week), we will have final confirmation that it is anti-Semitic.

It's OK to criticise Israel's actions. But to single out the Jews as the only group who have no right to self-determination is itself racist. Don't be fooled by the 'Hope Not Hate' rhetoric: as leaked WhatsApp messages from Greens For Palestine activists show ('an abomination to this planet' etc) it's clear that, for some of them at least, anti-Zionism equals anti-Jews.

That a political party can even contemplate allowing such sentiment among its ranks is unsettling, and marks it out as not very different, ideologically, from far-Right movements that swept Europe in the 1930s.

Yesterday was Trans Day of Visibility. Quite why this is deemed necessary is unclear – the trans cause has had so much visibility over the past few years that even my cat has her own pronouns: Meow/Meowm. 

Are we seeing the rise of a new type of 'influencer' politician? I only ask because Hannah Spencer's Instagram (the new MP for Gorton and Denton) keeps popping up on my feed. It's mostly grinning, infantile selfies, but her latest post sees her shopping for clothes at a shop called Thunder Egg in Manchester, including a stylish pair of stripey trousers, a new multicoloured handbag and, of course, the obligatory trans rights T-shirt. All together, now: Commercialise the Intifada!

Euphoric return for Sydney

The hit TV series Euphoria returns to our screens on April 12 after a four-year hiatus.

During that time, its young stars have become Hollywood sensations. Sydney Sweeney (left) has made her mark in films such as The Housemaid (as well as causing controversy with her staunch Republican views and that jeans ad); Zendaya has established herself as a global icon; and Jacob Elordi is officially the new Brad Pitt.

But the show has also had its share of tragedy.

Angus Cloud, who played drug dealer Fezco, died of an overdose in 2023, aged just 25; and Eric Dane, who played closeted bisexual dad Cal Jacobs, died earlier this year of motor neurone disease, aged 53. It will be a bittersweet reunion.