A friend recently asked how much my family had spent on fees for my uncle over the years that he’s lived in care homes, so I calculated the grand total – and almost wish I hadn’t, it is so appalling.

I was appointed by the Court of Protection as the deputy to manage my uncle Richard’s financial affairs in 2013. That year, his care home fees were £32,902.

But his latest annual bill came to a staggering £74,291. In the 12 years that I have been looking after his affairs, the total paid in fees comes to more than £500,000, but that’s not all.

Before I took over Richard’s affairs, my late parents had this role, for around 20 years. In total, I think he has paid not far short of £1million in care fees. 

Admittedly, he has spent far longer than average in care, because he suffered a catastrophic stroke in his 50s when a teacher.

The average life expectancy in a care home is seven years for women aged 65 to 69, and slightly less for men, according to the Office for National Statistics. But even stays of this length are a huge drain on most people’s finances.

Here are some of the key areas that I’d advise anyone in my position to look into if you have a relative who is, or is about to become, one of the roughly 400,000 people in the UK living in a residential care or nursing home.

Continuing Healthcare funding (CHC) is provided by the NHS and can cover the entire fees of a care home, or the fees of visiting carers for those living at home, making it the holy grail. The best bit is it is not means tested.

It is designed for people with significant ongoing physical or mental health needs and can be worth thousands every week. The problem is, not everyone qualifies and the rules are opaque.

I approached my uncle’s former nursing home to ask about it and got the reply: ‘In regards of Richard’s possible eligibility for full funding, I believe there is not enough complex nursing care evidence to support this.’

This was infuriating, because the home had used his apparently increasing care needs as justification for the annual hiking of his fees, yet these same needs weren’t apparently serious enough to warrant extra funding. His case is not unusual, with 83 per cent of all CHC claims being rejected.

Rachel Hutchings, of healthcare think-tank the Nuffield Trust, says: ‘Access to this vital funding is unfair and inconsistent.’

If you’re rejected, you should appeal to the local Integrated Care Board within six months of the rejection. 

There are several firms that can help – some do so on a no-win, no-fee basis but then take a slice of any award.

There are two key points to keep in mind. One is that it does not matter what condition has resulted in your loved one moving to a care home, because the criteria for funding isn’t the illness – it’s the care required as a result. 

The second is: don’t rely on your care home to tell you how or when to apply for CHC, because it’s not in their interests – they receive less money for NHS-funded beds than private beds.

Another potentially important source of help is Funded Nursing Care – until earlier this year my uncle received roughly £1,000 monthly. 

This is NHS funding paid directly to the nursing home by the local Clinical Commissioning Group. 

It is available if you don’t qualify for CHC and are in a home registered to provide nursing care. The amount paid depends on where you live, rising from a standard weekly rate of £254 to £349.

You can ask the nursing home to carry out an assessment for Funded Nursing Care, though your eligibility should be considered automatically. My uncle has now moved to a residential home, so no longer qualifies.

Another source of potential funding is Disability Living Allowance, paid by the Department of Work and Pensions. 

The mobility component varies from £29.20 to £110.40 weekly. The care component ranges from £29.20 to £77.05. My uncle gets £558 monthly.

To qualify you need to meet at least one of two criteria. The first is the care component, demonstrating a need for help with daily tasks such as dressing, and the second is the mobility component for those with severe difficulty walking. 

It is now being phased out so no new applications are being accepted. In its place is the new Personal Independence Payment for those under state retirement age, and Attendance Allowance for those over retirement age.

There are two rates of Attendance Allowance, £73.90 a week for those who need help during the day, or night, and the higher rate of £110.40 for people who need help throughout both the day and night, and the terminally ill. 

It is not means tested nor taxable, and does not have to be spent directly on care. Another option to consider is local authority funding, though this can be a final resort. 

It is means tested and only available in England if your capital drops below £23,250, or £50,000 in Wales. If you’re thinking of deliberately draining your assets to meet this, then a word of warning. 

This is known as ‘deprivation of assets’ and if discovered then the local authority could refuse to pay for your care and you will be forced to find the money yourself.

If you do qualify, then all your care fees are met by the authority, but there are downsides. One is that the local authority could insist on a move to a cheaper home, which could be a wrench.

Family members might be able to keep their loved one in a more costly home by topping up fees, or you may get lucky and find that the home will reduce the fees to the local authority level. 

Receiving full local authority funding also means you lose access to other benefits including the state pension, which will be diverted to pay the fees. 

You’ll only keep a tiny Personal Expenses Allowance: £30.65 a week in England; £43.90 in Wales; £34.50 in Scotland; and £27.19 in Northern Ireland.

On pensions, it may sound obvious, but check you’re claiming everything you’re entitled to. My uncle was a careful saver and despite his stroke, he had built up a decent private pension.

On top of this, there’s the state pension. Jointly they come to around £2,800 monthly, without which I don’t know how we’d cope. This sum is vital, and it’s important to check your loved one doesn’t have any pensions they are not claiming.

You can search on behalf of someone else if, for instance, you are their Power of Attorney.

The final ‘nuclear’ option was more of a way of saving money than claiming it. I moved my uncle to another home even though he was settled and I had no issue with the quality of care.

But when I got notice of the latest fees hike, which would bring them to £7,500 monthly as of January 1, 2025, something had to give. 

So, after consulting my family, Richard moved from the nursing home to a residential home. I’m delighted with the care – and it’s saving more than £1,000 a month.

• What is your experience of care home fees? Email [email protected]