Peter Kay has revealed he accidentally caused thousands of pounds' worth of damage to Eric Clapton's swanky holiday home.
The comedian, 52, struck up an unlikely friendship with the legendary guitarist, 80, after meeting backstage at a gig.
As their friendship blossomed, Eric invited Peter and his family to stay at his lavish 16-bedroom mansion in Provence, complete with an outdoor pool.
However, Peter wasn't a fan of the chilly pool water, so he popped to the local supermarket and bought a paddling pool, which he inflated on Eric's garden patio and filled with warm water.
The DIY solution worked a treat, as Peter said he could bask in the warm water, 'sipping Baileys, watching Only Fools and Horses on a giant screen through the French doors'.
However, disaster soon struck when he deflated the pool only to find the black-and-gold Versace towels he'd laid underneath had leaked dye onto the expensive sandstone patio tiles.
Peter told The Sun: 'I grabbed a few scourers from the kitchen, some Fairy Liquid and we all started scrubbing, but nothing was lifting.
'I pegged it back to the supermarché and bought some steel-wire brushes, industrial floor cleaner and a rake.'
To make matters worse, he accidentally flooded the housekeeper's flower beds with the leftover pool water.
Writing in his new book, Peter Kay's diary, the funnyman revealed he phoned Eric to offer to replace the plants and pay for the patio to be power-washed.
But the Layla hitmaker was baffled by the whole thing, especially why Peter hadn't used the actual swimming pool.
Peter recalled: 'He said, "But why didn't you just turn on the pool heating?". It has heating. No b*gger told me.'
The comedian detailed his terrifying health scare in his new book, which was released on Wednesday, admitting his 'world collapsed' when he learned about the nature of his operation.
Peter's book featured the health battle in an entry written in the month of March several years ago, sharing that he first began to suffer severe pains while on a train to Wigan, and had to rush to use the toilet.
Two days later, he began to suffer throbbing pain in his lower back, and after googling his symptoms, it was suggested he may have a kidney stone.
He wrote: 'Fast forward 24 hours, and my suspicions were confirmed via a CT scan at the local hospital. It turned out I had a big stone block in the exit of my right kidney.
'He(urologist) reassured me, but said I needed emergency surgery to remove the kidney stone, which would also involve having a stent fitted at my urethra in order to maintain my kidney functions. F**k a duck.
'My pre op bloods confirmed his suspicions that, apparently, my kidney functions were deranged. Well, that's how the nurse delicately put it. As much as I was shocked, I was also relieved and felt vindicated, as I actually had something wrong with me, and it wasn't just hypochondria.
'However, kidney stone pain is legendary, and I was starting to sob and make the occasional high-pitched whining sound, like when you fire an air rifle at a dog's testicles.'
Peter was then told that the operation would involve a small camera fitted with a laser, which would then enter his body to 'blast' the kidney stone away.
The star admitted he was stunned when he learned that the camera would be entering his body in an unlikely place.
He added: 'Then the penny dropped with a huge realisation. Oh, my God, he means he's going in through the hole at the end of my penis.
'My world collapsed. Red lights flashed in my head. He can't go up there? It's out of bounds, private land. Area 51. A camera won't fit up there, let alone one carrying a laser. Was this guy on glue?'
Peter also shared that despite his embarrassment at the operation, the procedure went ahead, with his anaesthetist even asking him for a selfie before he was put to sleep.
After the stone was removed, Peter was left in pain for a week while using the toilet, and he later returned to have the stent removed through the same method the camera had entered his body.
The stone was removed, and Kay was left in serious pain for a week when he used the toilet, until he had to return to remove the stent via the same way the camera had gone into his body.
Peter added: 'The urologist said I didn't need any pain relief. He said it'd be a walk in the park, though I don't know which parks he walks through.'
'The urologist advised me to breathe deeply, in and out, then grabbed my penis like he was grabbing a snake and squeezed it, which caused my eyes to bulge like a cartoon.'
'It was painful and unpleasant and a dreadful experience I never wish to repeat. Ever!'
Kidney stones affect more than one in ten people, mostly aged between 30 and 60, and are caused by waste products in the blood forming crystals. Over time, crystals build up to form a hard stone-like lump.
Once a kidney stone has formed, the body will try to pass it through urine. Most are small enough to do so and can be managed at home.
When they get too big, however, they can become extremely painful, and surgery is usually needed to remove them.
